winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
