he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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