I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
