are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
