Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
