i think my mom watched the whole time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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