i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
