Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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