At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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