if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
