Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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