i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
