dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
