turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
