why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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