I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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