Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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