When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
