really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
