There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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