smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize