the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
