Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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