Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
