dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
