My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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