Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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