Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just invented taco cereal.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
