i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
