I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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