i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
