Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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