i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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