i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
