Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
