Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
