I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
