My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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