Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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