I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
