Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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