i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
