I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's always time for handjobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
