I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
