it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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