3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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