My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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