This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
