So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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