how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
