Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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