Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
