do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she told me i tasted like america
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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