My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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