I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
