I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
