i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
