I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
