he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
