I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
