ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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