Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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