you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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