then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My ass is underappreciated
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
