This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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