Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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