I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
