She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
