I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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