i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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