So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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