Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
