Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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