My hand turned me down
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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