so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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