What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
